Sunday, February 14, 2016

Loving 'Mil-dread'

Tamara and I after last Sunday's run
*disclaimer: I realize not everyone houses a TM in their dining room or basement, as is more common amongst fitness enthusiasts. This post, as with all of my other 
natter-ings in no way judges you and your choices and habits, it simply tells the story of my life and the way I live it. Run on friends whether it be on the roads or the TM. 

Rebuild 2016 is going well. My hip and back pain are under control which has made running less of a chore than it had become. I am keeping the kilometres low, cross training and doing strength work. I would like to brag about how sensible, patient and reserved I am being, but the reality is, just this week I graduated to running the entire 5k without walk breaks so at this point, I couldn't be wild and dangerous with my running if the devil himself was chasing me. My fitness has taken a blow over the past 6 months, so this really is a rebuilding period. At one time, this would have shamed me but today, all I see when I fix my gaze and all I hear playing over and over in my head is 'strength'.
I don't care if right now my 'long' run is only 10k. That 10k isn't flipping to 11 until I feel good about each and every kilometre I run. When my watch reads 11k it will be because I am strong enough to do it. It won't take long, things are feeling better each week.

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

The Hip Bone's Connected to the...

Early last week my back started bothering me. By Thursday it was really bothering me. I couldn't get comfortable sitting, standing or laying for any length of time. On Friday it was bloody worse. I couldn't move too quickly in any direction without it spasming. At best the discomfort was 4/10, which is tolerable but at worst it was 8/10, which was not ok and let me tell you I can take pain. I have grit my teeth, bit my lip and white knuckled through birthing two babies out my vagina (at separate times) without epidurals... Here I should add that even though I did this in no way am I a hero. I arrived at the hospital too late into the labor process to get an epidural before I shot the kids out (again, separate experiences). I know I am trying to prove how tough I am here but for full disclosure sake I should admit that while I was pregnant, had anyone told me that I would be pushing a watermelon sized kid out of my lady region without the assistance of being fully frozen in this same region, I would have said 'Whoa, whoa, whoa! Back this bus up! I am tapping out.' The plan was always to say 'yes" to the epidural but it didn't work out that way so truthfully since then, I fancy myself a bit of a bad ass in the pain tolerance back to our original drama of back pain.
Sidelined with Back Pain

I coud no longer tolerate the blasted pain in the back so I mercifully and with some shame, washed up on my Chiropractor's doorstep. With shame? Yes with shame because I am a shoddy, inconsistent patient and over the years have fallen off routine visits and instead only show my face when something is wrong (my words, not his). This causes me shame because I know better. I know that by the time something is a problem and by the time there is pain, the problem is so much bigger...a problem that may have been avoided by routine maintenance. 
As I slumped my way into his treatment room I was greeted not with a lecture but with a warm, genuine hug and a 'What's up?', hardly the treatment I deserved but he is not the the type to cross his arms and say 'I told you so', lucky for me.

Thursday, December 31, 2015

Don't be Pressured by a Date Change

Watching the 2015 retrospection of blog posts, picture collages and status updates made me question:

 What do I have to say that isn't just noise?

This is what I came up with...

The calendar will change to a new day, month and year or maybe already has as you read this. Traditionally this is a time of reflection and resolution. It's the end of one year and the beginning of another. Naturally people feel hopeful about what lies ahead and may even resolve to be different, to do differently. The world celebrates a new calendar year with parties, tributes and fireworks. It's a big deal.

The noise I am adding to the atmosphere goes against the grain because it's where I am at. I post when I have something to say, so today, this is what I have to say even though it will be wildly unpopular.

Monday, December 14, 2015

Fighting to Stay at ' 5 '

This time of year sees many of us looking back over the last 12 months and celebrating and/or lamenting our gains and losses. Most of my year was a struggle physically and emotionally. I have been low and I have been high. There have been many things that I am grateful for but somehow these things managed to be book-ended by injury and depression. Most of this year has felt like a balancing act. Slowly I have made my way, one foot in front of the other with arms lifted straight out at my sides to keep from falling over the edge. The motto this year has been 'no sudden movements'. I knew if I didn't make any abrupt or spontaneous decisions that I could avoid causing too much damage.
At STWM 2015 photo Edison Yao

If I seemed different or unlike myself this year, I was...I am. I have felt like a shadow of myself, dark and hollow. I tried to go through the motions, to 'act' like myself and some days it worked and others it didn't. I am inside myself and I find it hard to get out of me. It takes a lot of effort to stay right where I am and not get any lower. If the best version of me is a '10' then most of this year I have been a '5' at best and a '3' at worst. I am fighting to be a '5'.